Canter Bridge

Sandbagger (noun)

Definition (from about.com)

1. Generally, any golfer who misleads others about his ability level, claiming to be worse than he actually is at golf.

2. More specifically, a golfer who artificially inflates his handicap index in order to better his chances of winning tournaments or bets.

A sandbagger is considered by many to be the lowest form of life on a golf course. Sandbaggers can inflate their handicap indexes by selectively leaving out their best rounds of golf when they post scores for handicap purposes.

Related words: ‘to sandbag’, ‘bait-and-switch’, ‘beneath contempt’, ‘spawn of Satan’

Rev’d Dr. John Bernard, President of Charlotte-based United World Mission, is a confirmed sandbagger on two wheels and thin rubber. Since taking up biking over a year ago, John (before today a long-time friend of the author) has insisted upon his beginner status and modest athletic achievements. In spite of losing nearly thirty pounds and making inroads into body sculpting of the middle-aged-man variety, Dr. Bernard has articulated and sustained a persuasive case for non-heroic status on the road.

This convincing line of approach has persuaded a number of his less fit friends—including, alas, this humble blogger—to go biking with Dr. Bernard on the supposition that the experience will fall short of the actual near-death category.

Alas, we have systematically been baited-and-switched.

It turns out that John is a phenomenon on the road. He can climb incessantly regardless of the grade. His average mph is obscenely high.

I do not intend any of this to reflect well upon Dr. Bernard.

He deserves our fear and loathing, for he is an inveterate sandbagger (see above for definition).

Such men should be excluded from polite company and cut out of the body politic like a dangerous growth.

The ‘rollers’ (definition: ‘rolling hills’, ‘near-vertical gradients, paved and unpaved’, ‘appalling death marches’) that grace the outskirts of Asheville, North Carolina, were until today a thing of beauty. Now they lie stained by the tears, sweat, and groans of Dr. Bernard’s innocent victims, who longed only for a bit of camaraderie on the open road.

Do not try to keep up with this man.

He is, alas, a sandbagger. He is the poster child of sandbagging, the very soul of wickedness.